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Day #346: I’m A Sicky

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The Story:

Why It’s Great To Be Sick:

  1. You get to sleep a whole bunch with none of the guilt. Ten hour nap on a Tuesday? It’s ok… I’m sick.
  2. People go out of their way to do stuff for you. Need your new stationary bike assembled but don’t have the energy? Don’t worry, you won’t have to even ask, you can just stay on the couch and give ‘helpful’ instructions in-between naps. Love ya, Andy!
  3. It’s a great excuse to keep people from invading your personal space. “Oh you want me to hold your baby? Gosh, I sure would love to but darn it, I’m sick… Oops, looks like he puked a little on you, how cute.”
  4. You can surround yourself with comfort foods and drinks in an effort to feel better. Chai tea latte? Check. Panera cheddar & broccoli soup? Check. A swimming pool of ginger ale? CHECK. Added bonus- most if not all items are hand delivered by a sympathetic loved one or friend. Such service.
  5. You can look like a slob, skip showers etc. and no one will say ‘boo’ about it.
  6. Your puppy dog intuits that you need a snuggle buddy and is happy to oblige by sleeping on your chest or in the curve of your neck for most of the afternoon.
  7. Your voice takes on a husky, raspy tone so you can practice your Jessica Rabbit impressions with impressive accuracy.
  8. Even the smallest accomplishment seems worth of celebration. A successful trip to the toilet? Awesome! You brought in the mail all by yourself? Wow. You, my friend, are a rock star.
  9. Bed time is any time.
  10. Your breath is perpetually fresh thanks to the Honey, Lemon & Echinacea Ricola you’re popping like Tic Tacs.

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The Not So Fantastic Reality:

The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:

ONE:      Ok, so no one really likes to be sick, but if you wind up coming down with something, might as well look on the positive side, right? So after putting in a few hours at work, I hit the wall and decided (with some prompting from a concerned coworker) that I better get my butt home before I started to feel so bad driving would become an issue. Once home, I immediately surrounded myself with blankets, my mini doxie, Joey and the usual sicky accoutrement of tissues, cough drops, and ginger ale (my go to). Being sick is no fun, I won’t argue that, but if you find yourself under the weather at least take advantage of some of the ‘perks’. Now you’ll have to excuse me, time for some more sleepy.

Totally me... thanks for talking some sense into me, Tish! 🙂

Love & Squirrels.

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Day #284: Accidental Napping (On Purpose)

The Story:

It was an accident… I was only going to rest my eyes.

It was the perfect time of day, perfect seat in the sun, perfect temperature… perfect nap.

The puppy curled up and fell asleep in my lap; what was I supposed to do?!?

I just needed to rest a spell… or several hours.

The pillow and quilt were giving me the eye…

Wasn’t today National Nap Day? No? Oh well… doesn’t hurt to get some practice in, I guess.

I thought I was coming down with something… best not to take any chances and get as much sleep as possible.

I was walking around in the sun for hours; whew, boy!… that sun really takes it out of you…

I read a study that taking a mid-afternoon nap was good for your health.

Did I mention it was an accident?

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The Not So Fantastic Reality:

The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:

ONE:      Ever take a nap on a beautiful day and wind up feeling a tad bit guilty? I do it all the time. It’s not that I’m overly tired (usually) or that I don’t want to be outdoors, it’s just that, well… I love to sleep. And, I must say, napping may be my favorite way to catch some zzz’s, especially on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Curled up on the couch, my great-grandma’s quilt over me, closing my eyes and feeling the sun envelope me in warmth, Joey (mini-wiener dog) jumping up and making a nest in my lap and snoring softly…ahhh… it’s one of the best things ever. Especially after spending hours walking around in the Florida heat, surrounded by hundreds of people all crowded around one small lake. I know I’ve written about napping before, but gosh dern it, I don’t care. So I make no more excuses, I took a nap today and it may have been one of the best experiences I’ve had in days.

Love & Squirrels.

Day #221: Kobe’s for Your Cold

The Story:

“I swear, this is the best remedy yet. Just trust me, you’ll forget you are even sick,” Didi took the scrap of paper her friend Jen had just scribbled on and read it. Raising an eyebrow, she looked up- a question dangling from her lips when Jen stopped her with a raised hand. “I know what you’re going to say,” Jen continued, “but just try it and if you don’t feel better in a day, then you can come find me and kick my butt, deal?”

Didi nodded her agreement and took another look at the list of instructions scribbled on the discarded coffee sleeve. “Ok, well  I gotta run, but you follow those instructions and then I’ll give you a call tomorrow to see how you’re doin, ok?” Jen grabbed her purse and gave Didi’s shoulder a little squeeze before leaving the coffee shop. Arriving home twenty minutes later, Didi made her way to the couch, shedding her clothes as she went and crawled beneath her grandmother’s quilt. God, she hated being sick and it always happened when it was least convenient- like on her few days off. Nothing to do now but take it easy and try and sleep away the cold.

After twenty minutes of tossing and turning and feeling  utterly miserable, Didi gave up on trying to nap and thought about Jen’s ‘instructions’. Dragging herself off of the couch, Didi wandered over to where she deposited her purse on the kitchen counter and searched through it for the coffee sleeve. Finding it finally, Didi began to read:

“To get over a cold in no time, do all of the following in the order then are listed here:

  • Clean your baseboards throughout the house
  • Hang new pictures in your hallway
  • Tidy up your guest room
  • Put new sheets on your bed
  • Eat two pieces of toast with jam
  • Take a long, hot shower
  • Go to Kobe’s Steakhouse for dinner
  • Mop the kitchen floor

This works, I swear! Feel better, Didi!”

“Well, it’s worth a try,” Didi thought to herself, “I can’t possibly feel any worse”.

The following day, Didi dialed up her friend Jen, excited to confirm that she was feeling a good deal better, thanks to her advice. “See, I told you! It’s a miracle worker!” Jen squealed, delighted her friend was feeling better.

“Tell me though, how did you discover this remedy?” Didi finally asked as they were about to hang up the phone.

“It’s something my mother passed on to me. She said that washing the baseboards helps with the drainage, kneeling over and all that, then as you stand to hang up your pictures it will fall right out of your nose. By tidying up your guestroom, you mentally are reassured that should you need someone to come take care of you, their room is prepared. Eating two pieces of toast and jam, well, I think my mom just liked jam or maybe it had to do with the vitiamin C, who knows. Taking a long hot shower helps with the aches and pains, and opens up your sinuses. Then a large dinner with a lot of distraction and tons of birthdays reminds you of the fun of life, and keeps you from fixating on your own problems and feeling ill. And finally, mopping the kitchen floor is just good housekeeping, she always said. Plus it tires you out for a good night’s sleep,” Jen concluded, with a chuckle.

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The Not So Fantastic Reality:

The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:

ONE:      Still sick… kinda hoped I would wake up good as new, oh well.  I didn’t really have time to dwell on feeling like death warmed over however, as we were expecting company, Andy’s sister, mom, and his mom’s boyfriend Casey were all coming over before the group of us headed out for dinner to celebrate the holidays and  Casey’s birthday. So the afternoon was spent gussying up the place, cleaning, mopping, vacuuming the whole shebang. It actually worked out though, cause it didn’t give me any time to lay around and feel sorry for myself. Plus, I got to have an awesome dinner with some awesome people at THE birthday place, Kobe’s Steakhouse. Good day… now to get over this cold.

Because who wouldn't feel better after 'the onion volcano'?

Love & Squirrels.

Day #147: Sweet Dreams of Dracula

The Story:

“Wake up, Mina! Wake up!”

Mina heard the watery voice as if from a great height and after much concentration was able to lift her heavy eyelids and wake from what had been a very deep sleep.

“What is it? What’s the matter?” Mina asked, her mouth and throat felt extremely dry.

Looking worriedly at his girlfriend, Jonathan sat down on the couch next to her, “You fell asleep again. I’m starting to get worried about you. Are you coming down with something ,you think?” he asked, placing a hand on her forehead.

Stretching and working her stiff neck, Mina blinked away the last dregs of sleep before answering, “I don’t think so. I don’t feel sick… I don’t even remember feeling tired”. Sitting up a little, Mina asked, “How long was I asleep?”.

“About two hours. And this is your third nap today… it’s already nine o’clock at night,” Jonathan replied after checking the green glow of the digital clock on the stove.

“Really?” Mina couldn’t imagine why she was sleeping so much. She wasn’t stressed, she didn’t feel sick or run down, actually she was feeling quite good, save for the mysterious napping habit she seemed to have developed.

“Maybe we should run through anything that has changed in your routine since this napping business started up,” Jonathan said in that oh-so-scientific way he sometimes used when confronted with a problem that needed sorting out.

Thinking that wasn’t the worst idea she’d ever heard, Mina began listing any recent habits she had picked up in the two weeks since the naps began. “OK, let’s see… I started drinking kefir every morning, I started a journal a week ago, we’ve stopped letting Roxie get up on the couch (Mina flashed Jonathan a look of contempt… she was still not happy about this new rule which kept her lap dog off of her lap), hmmm… what else has changed,” she looked around their apartment as if something on the shelves or bookshelves would jog her memory. Thinking of something, Mina added, “And I started reading Dracula for my book club”.

Mina and Jonathan exchanged a meaningful look. “You don’t really think it could be the book, do you?” Mina was the first to speak.

“I don’t know, but each time you fell asleep today you were reading that book. Come to think of it, each time I noticed you asleep over the last few days that book was somewhere nearby,” Jonathan looked as if the wheels had really begun to spin.  “Where did you say you got that book?” he asked with growing suspicion.

“I got it from that little used book shop up on De Ville Avenue,” Mina said as she looked at the book in question, the menacing paperback eyes of the Count staring back at her from the front cover.

A look of alarm crossed Jonathan’s features. “Mina, there is no book store on De Ville Avenue. I bike up that street every day on the way to work and there has never been a book store anywhere near De Ville,” he said calmly as he looked more intently at the book in her hand.

As he was speaking, Mina, with trancelike movements, opened the book to the last page she had read and almost before she realized what she was doing, she began to read.

“Mina! Oh come on, not again, Mina!!!”

Jolting awake, Mina took one look at Jonathan and knew she had fallen asleep again. Tossing the wretched book to the floor, Mina put her hand to her head and in a voice coated with fear said, “That must be it! That book, there’s something evil about that book… we have to get it out of the house”.

Jonathan was one step ahead of her and with the speed of someone possessed he plucked the book off of the carpet where it had been discarded and disappeared through the door. Returning several minutes later, Jonathan assured Mina that the book was gone and would never bother them again.

 —

Later…

“Hey Jess! Look what I found!” Tommy yelled from inside the dumpster.

“What is it?” Jess, his girlfriend and fellow dumpster diver called back as she scanned the quiet apartment complex.

Popping his head up over the brim of the dumpster Tommy tossed something over before climbing out. Picking up his find and brushing it off, Tommy walked to where Jess was waiting and taking the mini LED flashlight from his mouth said, “Can you believe what some people throw out? Look at this, a perfectly good copy of Dracula. Is this awesome or what?”. Tommy had always been a bit of a vampire nut.

“I don’t know, Tommy. There’s something kinda weird about this book,” Jess responded as she looked over the yellowed paperback as if it was days-old roadkill.

“Ah get over it Jess, it’s just a book. What could a little old book do anyway?” Tommy said as he tossed the book in the backseat of their beat-up Mazda. Looking at his still worried girlfriend Tommy tried to reassure her and continued, “Besides, you’ve been looking for a book to read before bed. Maybe it will help you fall asleep”.

Bah!

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The Not So Fantastic Reality:

The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:

ONE:      For the last several days I have been determined to finish a book I started quite a while ago, yep you guessed it… Dracula. The book is actually quite good, but the language can be difficult to muddle through at times so the reading has been slow going to say the least. I’m starting to suspect I may never finish this thing, despite only having 27 or so pages left. Inevitably, as I begin to read a thick sleepiness soon overtakes me and before you know it, I’m out. It has happened for the last three days in a row… including this evening. I’m starting to think this book is cursed… that or I’m making up some of the sleep I lose due to being awakened every four hours each night for the past month because a certain wolfdog needs to go potty… guess the true reason for my strange napping habits will always be a mystery.

Yeah... I reread that page about 10 times before I actually READ that page

TWO:    Some of the other habits Mina picked up refer to some of my own daily habits, like drinking Kefir each morning (it’s awesome you should try it). The other habit of not letting the dog on the couch refers to a new rule in the house that is taking some time for me to get used to… still isn’t sitting well with me, to be honest. Basically, we are retraining Joey, my mini doxie so that he doesn’t think he is ‘top dog’ in the house (which he totally thinks he is). This is to help Zorro better acclimate (the wolfdog) into our little family, and despite missing my little guy curled up in my lap, I have to admit that it is helping things with Zorro.

I'm sorry, what do you mean I have to get down???

THREE:  The names Mina and Jonathan refer to two of the main characters in Bram Stoker’s Dracula, a husband and wife team that are assisting the infamous Van Helsing in his pursuit of the father of all vampires.

FOUR:   The dumpster-diving character, Tommy, is an ode to a certain someone… he knows who he is.

Love & Squirrels.

Day #119: Tonight’s Another Night

The Story:

“I just don’t know… last night when you kept leaving, it really messed me up,” Julie stared at her feet and bit her lip- desperately trying to keep the encroaching tears at bay. Wiping away the first assault of enemy tears with a violent swipe of her hand, Julie took a deep breath.

“And when you came back this afternoon, I’ll admit, it was nice… really nice, actually,” Julie smiled in remembrance before angrily creasing her brow- upset at her mouth’s disloyalty. “But we both knew that it wasn’t going to last, and it didn’t- you were gone again in a matter of hours,” Julie looked at her folded hands, feeling haggard and wrung out. She continued, “And I know it’s not all your fault, believe me I get it. I know that sometimes you have to leave and it’s not because you want to but because you are forced away, sometimes by outside events and sometimes even by me… I know that”. Julie was beginning to gain a little more composure, a little more courage.

“The thing is, I deserve better. I want better. And I’m not willing to settle any longer. No more late nights left wondering where you are. No more lying in bed alone without any sign that you are even going to show up. I need something stable, something I can count on, something consistent,” Julie said with her head held a little higher.

“So that’s it then. You know how I feel. If what I’ve said sounds like something you can get on board with, then I would really like to give it another go with you. If not, then I’m just going to have to figure something else out… without you,” Julie said the last two words a little softer than she would have liked but overall felt good about her ultimatum.

Climbing into bed, Julie turned off the bedside light and smiled as she felt her eyes growing heavy. “So glad you decided to join me. I’ve missed you,” she said into the dark as she allowed sleep to wrap her in its sweet embrace.

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The Not So Fantastic Reality:

The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:

ONE:      I have a love/hate relationship with sleep. Always have. I love sleep (maybe a little too much) and hate how little of it I seem to be getting lately (weirdly my lack in sleep has coincided with picking up a particular writing project… hmmmm). Anyway, last night was a rough one for Sam. My dog, Joey (the mini dachshund) has been suffering from a stomach issue since coming home from his stay at the vet last week. And when I say ‘stomach issue’ I mean diarrhea… so much diarrhea. Without delving too far into the details, I was forced from my bed just about every hour last night to deal with the results of this ‘stomach issue’ leaving me with precious little shut eye time (rounds about 3 hours to be exactly inexact) and the need to burn every scented candle in my home. The story above is a conversation I can definitely see myself having with my finicky love- senor sleep. He really needs to stop messing around, I am getting tired of being told how tired I look (don’t you just love those kinds of comments?).

Some girls have all the luck (and I'm not referring to Prince Smarmy).

Love & Squirrels.

Day #39: Napping Bylaws

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The Story:

Adopted Bylaws of Napping

It is agreed by all board members that napping is considered sacred and should be treated with the upmost respect and consideration. The following bylaws were instituted to better the overall napping experience so that the ideal nap may be experienced by any man, woman or child who adhere to them.

  1. Do not converse or attempt to speak to any person you have identified as napping. This disruption is aggravating to the napper and it should be noted that they are not really listening to you anyway but are in fact simply wishing you would shut up.
  2. While the ideal time for taking a nap has been debated at length with no obvious resolution, nappers should consider 3:00pm as a good starting point.
  3. Napping with a pet is recommended as the pets’ breathing can serve to further relax the napper. Just be sure they are not a ‘barker’.
  4. Naps should be taken in a space with little distraction and soft lighting.
  5. Soft, low volume background music is recommended to filter environment noise that could keep you from getting adequate shuteye during your chosen naptime.
  6. The TV may be left on so long as the volume is at a level where you cannot be sucked in to whatever programming should be on. Recommended shows to have on while napping include Law & Order, professional soccer, reruns of That 70’s Show or anything on PBS. A complete list of nap-appropriate programming can be found online at NappersUnite.com.
  7. Napping on weekdays vs. weekends can be slightly different, so when considering the prospect of napping, consult your calendar to ensure other events or responsibilities are not planned to better enjoy your nap.
  8. Every napper is different, but most agree that a lazy Sunday afternoon is the ideal time for a nap.
  9. Some type of blanket or covering is recommended while napping. Should it be too hot or humid to utilize a covering, the napper should remove one leg from the blanket and place it on top to maximize airflow.
  10. Avoid napping around ‘friends’ or family members if at all possible as they will most likely see your nap as nothing more than an opportunity to mess with you… beware the bowl of warm water.
  11. Sharing a nap with a loved one is acceptable, so long as there is adequate space, covering and they are also familiar with the Bylaws of Napping. No hanky panky.
  12. Always nap on planes.
  13.  Be cautious when napping outside. Various environmental factors, such as too much sun, insects, allergies, unexpected rain or little kids with water guns could make this experience regrettable.
  14. Nap in comfortable clothing or if necessary, unfasten restraining buttons to maximize comfort.
  15. According to tradition, all members should participate in all official napping holidays, including: following the Thanksgiving meal, once all the kiddies have opened their Christmas presents, the afternoon or late morning of New Year’s Day.

These bylaws were accepted after a majority vote on May 28, 2011 and are available on hand stitched blankets and pillows available for purchase at NappersUnite.com.

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The Not So Fantastic Reality:

Apologies again… still having laptop trouble and was only able to wrestle Andy’s away this morning.

The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:

ONE:            After only getting about four hours of sleep last night… I was desperate for a nap today. It being a holiday weekend and all, you would think I’d want to spend my time out-of-doors doing something fun… obviously you don’t know me very well (not to mention it’s hotter than blazes outside… this is Florida, after all). So I was all prepared to take a nap this afternoon, had my pillow, my quilt, my dog, and I had found a comfortable position on the couch. Unfortunately, my boyfriend was not ready for a nap and continued to chat away at me, his music blaring. Then, he decided to join me… on the tiny couch that is really not conducive for parallel napping. No matter, we made it work- for about ten minutes. And the Napping Bylaws were born.

Love & Squirrels.