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Day #133: Yogaahhh!

The Story:

“Well, I think that should about do it,” Fern stood up, dusted off her hands and headed towards the locker room.

Looking up from downward dog, Gina watched her friend grab her yoga mat and walk out of the room. It had been all of three minutes since the class began.


Thirty minutes later, Gina entered the locker room to find her friend combing her freshly washed and dried hair in front of one of the vanities in the dressing room. Wiping the sweat from her face, Gina sat down next to Fern and asked with no small amount of confusion, “Fern, what gives?”

Blinking her eyes in rapid succession Fern creased her brow into an expression that said, but whatever do you mean?

“Um, you were in class for like two minutes and then you just vamoosed. Are you ok? Did you hurt yourself or something?” Gina continued.

“Oh! Oh no, don’t be silly. It’s just that I only ever do anything for three minutes now. It’s this new “live in the moment” regiment I’m trying. So instead of wasting a bunch of time on one thing, I do something for three minutes and if I like it then I’ll keep going but if I don’t then I move on. It’s really been an eye-opening experience. I’d encourage you to try it,” Fern said a little too haughtily for Gina’s liking.

“So let me get this straight. You try something for three minutes, and then, if you don’t like it you just give up?” Gina asked, still a little bewildered. Fern had always been a little, ‘eccentric’, always willing to try the newest thing out there but this newest craze seemed a little crazy even for Fern.

Fern shook her head in sympathy at her friends’ misunderstanding. In the condescending tone she had recently acquired (about the same time she adopted her new ‘lifestyle’) Fern replied, “It’s not giving up, Gina. It’s living in the moment. Why waste my time, my life really, doing something I have no interest in? Scientific studies have shown that it only takes approximately three minutes to determine if you like or dislike and activity or new sensation. Once you know how you feel about something you are empowered to act. And when I decided I didn’t like yoga today, I acted. I left. It’s just that simple”.

“I see,” Gina replied, too stunned to say anything else. Man, Fern had really set sail on the whackadoo express this time. Taking a few more seconds to gather her wits, Gina continued, “So this ‘live in the moment’ thing, does it apply to people too?”.

“I’m not sure I follow,” Fern said as she put down her hair brush and tilted her head to the side as if to illustrate the authenticity of her bafflement.

“I just mean if you are spending time with someone, do you watch the clock and after three minutes do you decided whether or not you wish to stay in their company or are people exempt from this dogma?” Gina asked innocently.

“Oh Gina, nothing is exempt from the teaching. So I suppose that people also fall within the three minute rule. Honestly, Gina, I am learning so much about myself and life since adopting and apply this teaching. You really should give it a try,” Fern reached over and placed her hand on top of her friends’ in a way that felt rehearsed and not at all like the Fern that Gina knew.

“You know what. I think I might. I think I’ll try it right now,” Gina said and then, pulling her hand out from under Fern’s she checked her wristwatch for the time. Watching the seconds tick away for about 27 more seconds, Gina abruptly stood up, gathered her belongings and made to leave the locker room.

Confused by her friend’s strange and sudden behavior, Fern started after her and asked, “Gina, where are you going?”

Turning just as she reached the door, Gina pasted the same confused expression her friend had used just a few minutes earlier Gina replied matter-of-factly, “Well that conversation took exactly three minutes and I decided I didn’t like it. In fact, I didn’t like the ‘new’ you. So I decided to move on. Life’s too short, right?” and with that she let the door swing closed behind her.

“Crap,” Fern said as she sunk onto one of the benches in the locker room entryway. Tossing her head back in frustration, she began reading one of the flyers pinned to the cork board above her bench, “Change your life and the life of others through massage therapy! Your hands could be healing hands.”

“Hmm,” Fern thought, “massage therapy, I think that’s exactly what I am meant to do!”. And without another thought she ripped one of the tear-aways with contact info off of the flyer and happily trotted out of the locker room.


The Not So Fantastic Reality:

The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:

ONE:      I tried yoga today. Not real yoga, but the DVD kind where you stare at some lady in clingy clothing with a mesmerizing voice as she shows you have to stick your butt in the air AND breathe all at the same time. Well, I made it into the lesson about three minutes before deciding… this was for the birds. I really wanted to like yoga. Just like I really wanted to like swimming, running, tennis, volleyball…well you get the gist. And to be honest, it’s really not that I don’t like yoga. It’s that it hurts. I know, lame right? I agree. Unfortunately for some years now I have developed quite a weak wrist, I have a sneaking suspicion I have carpel tunnel syndrome from my years of computer work (she said as she typed on her laptop). I am reluctant to go to the doctor for this because A) I hate going to the doctor B) I don’t want to confirm that something is actually wrong with me C) I hate going to the doctor. Despite these very valid reasons, I may have to make an appointment seeing as I cannot put any pressure on the joint of my right wrist. Since almost all yoga poses seem to involve supporting your body weight on your hands in knees, I had to cut the session short.

My yoga instructor... at least for three minutes

TWO:    I included a little something about massage therapy because I really want a massage and I’m hoping le boyfriend will read this in short time and feel a sudden urge to rub his girlfriend’s shoulders (not holding my breath though).

Love & Squirrels.