They travel mostly in flocks, twos or threes mainly…
No topic is safe, no conversation is spared… they may not know what they are talking about but they will continue to talk until they figure it out…
Known for droning on and on without allowing any outside input, should you be cornered by one you have several options:
- Using small movements, slowly inch away from them while nodding enthusiastically; when they break eye contact- run.
- Order as much alcohol as you can get your hands on and settle in- it’s going to be a long night.
- Catch up on your reading. While they are babbling on about what so-and-so said about so-and-so, you can easily finish up that book you never seem to find time to finish.
- If you are at a restaurant keep ordering small plates and appetizers. Their kind are known for putting away their fair share of food, eventually they will have to pause to swallow- make a break for the bathroom when they do.
- Attempt to hold a conversation with them, grow increasingly irritated at their inability to shut up and drown yourself in your bowl of black bean soup.
Known for their voracious appetite for devouring every millisecond of down time, their screeches have been known to travel miles in the right conditions.
If you are a man you will feel the irresistible urge to run if within 10 feet of their presence.
They are easily identified by their unique (and terribly annoying) squawk. It is this sound from which their name is derived. A mix between the cry of an abused crow and every evil female character in the Disney lineup- you know it when you hear it.
They are known as the “Cackles” and they can usually be found hovering over the salad bar at your local Apple Bee’s or swigging Skinny Margaritas at the nondescript bar downtown.
The Not So Fantastic Reality:
The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:
ONE: My man took me out to dinner tonight- a lovely evening at Bahama Breeze was so close I could already taste the West Indies patties. We arrived, parked and were sat without incident and then- I heard it. “Bre ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!” The woman in the booth across from out table was cackling at such a pitch and with such force the three individuals she was seated with were actually wincing. Great. I watched as she rocked back and forth, leaning over to each of her tablemates to ensure they experienced the full extent of her case of the ‘cackles’. I mean this lady was LOUD. She was talking at such a volume and her laugh was so in-your-face annoying I seriously considered asking her if she would mind keeping it down a bit (yes, I am officially an old curmudgeoned stick-in-the-mud). For the first few minutes the bustle of the restaurant and the cackling of the cackler were so distracting, I thought I might have to take a minute outside just to sort out all the auditory information my brains was being overloaded with. Better yet, “Yes, I’d like the mojito”. Ahhh, sweet, sweet booze… number one cure of a case of the ‘cackles’.
Love & Squirrels.