I don’t know how much time I have, but I know it’s not much. This reality alone is sobering, but I cannot think too much on it, for I would surely collapse into a blubbering mess. I cannot feel the effects yet, so there may still be time- time to do even a fraction of the things I’ve put off for so long, confident I would get to them some day. I’ve run out of ‘somedays’, as we all must I suppose, it’s down to hours, minutes, seconds.
My senses are on overdrive, as if they grasp their impending end and are putting forth herculean efforts to take in as much of life as they can before the darkness comes. Their sensitivity is almost painful, I wince at the fading light of the sunset and cover my ears as a dog barks down the street. Perhaps it’s better we walk around dulled to all that the world shoves into our bubbles of existence, I fear living with the heightened hearing, sight and touch I now am experiencing would have driven me to madness, or perhaps to direct my own ending prematurely.
There is so much undone, so much never started or even thought upon. I won’t bore the powers at be with pleads for more time, I know that is time wasted and with a finite amount of it I have better plans for the few hours left to me. First, to set my affairs in order, I put away my laundry; even iron a shirt or two before placing them in the closet. Dishes go in the dishwasher, which I set to ‘heated dry’ and listen as the water begins to coat the plates and silverware from the past few meals. Funny now, to think I’ll not be needing them again anytime soon.
I’m starting to feel a little tired now, but will myself to press on. There will be plenty of time for sleeping soon. I think my dog knows something is off, he keeps barking at nothing and won’t leave my side- he seems to me a pacing and whining anthropomorphism of my anxious and feverish mind. I catalog my day and beyond, all the questions unanswered, ideas unheard, time poorly spent, priorities misplaced, dreams set aside. What could I have done with that time?
Guess I’ll just have to wait to find out…until tomorrow.
The Not So Fantastic Reality:
The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:
ONE: Change is abrewing… mostly in the weather causing some awfully fun sinus pain for yours truly. Battling a sinus headache all day is one thing, but it’s a whole other ball o’ wax when the bugger won’t heal to the powers of IB profin and continues to plague me well into the evening. So, I did something I don’t normally like to do… I took two Tylenol PM in the hopes they will alleviate the pain in my skull and face and begin to lull me into a semi-conscious-better-get-to-bed-before-I-have-to-be-carried state. As I took the two blue and white pills, I started thinking of all the things I needed to do tonight before they ‘kicked in’ which, in my over-dramatic brain reminded me of what someone might think when receiving the ultimate bad news that their life was coming to a quick close. Morbid, maybe… but so is ironing in my book. On to house chores before I crumple into a useless heap.
Love & Squirrels.