As I sat in my booth behind what I considered to be the most obnoxious patron of the week I thought to myself, “Why do hotdogs come in packages of eight when buns come in packages of ten?” and when I looked up, she walked into my life. She was a mid-70s something, wrinkly-faced, puckered-lipped elderly mistress with convenience store haircolor and a cane that screamed ‘ouch, my hip!’. She sat down next to us, and I couldn’t help but wonder what sort of mischief she’d have gotten into in her younger years? Although I felt like she still gets into plenty of mischief, and I was going to ask her about it when the check came and I had to decide if I should pay now or forever hold my lunch. When I got home, I felt this missed connection was a grave mistake I will never recover from. I peeked into the fridge and found the new love of my life in the form of 2% reduced fat organic milk, half a chocolate cookie and a roll of cheap toilet paper. I couldn’t control my excitement, I just had to pick up all the inner stuffings of a squeeky stuffed chicken from under the coffee table in the living room.
The next day, I arose from my slumber wearing nothing but red pajama pants with scottish terriers wearing bowties. I walked outside, looked around, heard no sound and thought, “Will this be the day to my dismay in mid-May when she will say ‘zombies have taken over the town, you must find some guns, shoot ’em in the head and head for the hills’”.
It turns out I was dreaming, no thanks in part to my lunch of chocolate cake and hot sauce, eggs, hashbrowns and chicken tenders lunch washed down with a gallon of sweet tea. So as Istood there, out the front door, looking into the distance, I saw my tire was flat (yet again) remembering I had run over a daggar made in China showcasing a Celtic woman on the handle the previous afternoon. Thank God this is just a dream for if it was really a sombie apocalypse I wouldn’t get far in my car. Harr harr… I made a joke.
The Not So Fantastic Reality:
The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:
ONE: Yeah… so… the above ‘story’ was the ramblings of my very lovable (but potentially insane) boyfriend as they were dictated to me. After helping him breakdown a script he’ll be working on in the coming weeks (a rockabilly zombie movie of all things) I declared that he owed me. Since we had spent the last 3+ hours going through his script, him dictating all that he’d need for the art department, me typing away furiously to keep up I thought it might be fun if we continued the process with my lil ol blog. While most of it is based on things we did today, sitting a table away from a super obnoxious man, a really cool group of older ladies, and sadly… what Andy ate for breakfast this morning you can see that the um… style? is a bit different than my usual ramblings. I’ll be back tomorrow… don’t worry.
Love & Squirrels.