Running from the store, Celeste struggled to see through her tears. Seeing the white outline of their SUV, Celeste yanked open the passenger side door and climbed in slamming the door dramatically after her. How could he be so insensitive? She wondered, closing her eyes and trying to calm herself down. Not normally one for dramatic scenes, especially in public, Celeste began to feel a little ridiculous about her emotional outburst a few minutes ago. In fact, alone and in the encapsulated quiet of the SUV, screaming at her husband for wanting to switch to the bargain brand of toilet paper so they could save a few bucks suddenly didn’t seem like the personal attack she had believed it to be less than five minutes ago. “Stupid hormones, sometimes being a chick can really be a drag,” she said to herself before a huge yawn escaped from her lips.
Celeste jolted awake. Momentarily disoriented, it took a few moments to realize she had fallen asleep in the SUV. Checking her watch she was startled to discover over a half an hour had passed and her husband, Steve, had still not come out of the store. Peering through the car window towards the storefront, Celeste tried to make out her husband through the store’s large plate glass windows. Not seeing him, she wondered if this was his way of punishing her for embarrassing him in the store. Feeling immediately guilty, Celeste decided she had better call him and apologize so they could finish up their errands and head home.
Reaching towards the center console, where she always left her phone, Celeste froze- her hand still hovering in midair. Her phone was not there. Not only that. In its usual place was a pink and yellow Sippy cup with butterflies half full of what appeared to be apple juice. Celeste had no children. Panicked, she quickly looked around the car- a baby’s seat in the back seat (again, Celeste was not a mother), rosary beads around the rearview mirror (she was a born and raised Presbyterian), and a stick of peppermint Burt’s Bees lip balm in the driver’s side door console (Steve was deathly allergic to peppermint). This was not her car.
“Holy frankfurter!” Celeste screamed as she fumbled with the door handle and tore out of the strange car. Backing away from the car in a state of surreal confusion, Celeste didn’t hear her name being called until Steve was right next to her. “Celeste! Oh thank God! Where on earth have you been? I’ve been freaking out!” Steve said in a rush of obvious relief before he smothered his wife in a bear hug.
Released from her husband’s arms, Celeste attempted to explain what had happened. By the time she finished relaying the story, Celeste was barely able to contain her laughter. How the heck had she not noticed she was in someone else’s car?!? And she had fallen asleep! The humor of the entire situation, especially in light of her blow-up was just too much- Celeste was able to go about two seconds before she was belly-laughing and she continued to laugh all the way to their car.
The Not So Fantastic Reality:
The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:
ONE: Total blonde moment today (I can say that as a natural blonde). After exiting Big Lots after a long event-filled day, Andy and I were chatting as we walked towards the car. I waited on the passenger side for him to unlock to car for us, and was just kind of spaced out. A minute or so passed and he had still not opened the car. Growing a little annoyed, the bags were getting heavy and I really needed to pee, I bent down and looked through the car to see what he could possibly be doing on the other side. He wasn’t there. Although I found this a bit peculiar, I stood back up and just waited some more. Then I started looking at the interior of the car and while the details didn’t jump out at me immediately, I did notice a wrongness to what I saw. Then it hit me. I was standing at the wrong car. Walking around the back of the car, I looked at it again in complete confusion- it wasn’t even the same type of car that we had exited less than twenty minutes prior. The whole things really rocked my sense of reality for a moment, and then as I was telling Andy what had happened (he thought I fell in a huge pothole or something) I started cracking up. I’m still laughing a little. Time for this gal to get some shuteye me thinks.
Love & Squirrels.