“Her hair looks like pasta in day-old red sauce,” he giggled and cut his eyes at the white girl trying to work.
“Her nose turns up like a ski slope,” the boy’s elder sister chimed in as she made the motion of skiing off a slope with her arms rigidly thrust behind her. They both giggled uncontrollably at that.
“This place looks like a doctor’s office. It smells funny,” the boy said as he kicked off his shoes and slouched down in his chair. “I wish mom and dad would hurry up, what are they talking about in there anyway?” and without another thought he spun around in his chair and started banging on the glass where he could see he parents’ shadow on the other side.
“Cut it out, idiot! That weird white girl is staring at us,” his sister said and pulled him by the shirt to turn around.
“I don’t care!” the boy yelled. He then proceeded to dance around the office suite in his sock feet. When that grew tiresome he ran up to his sister’s face and began thumping her chair with his empty water bottle. “I’m bored! Let’s go! This is dumb, I hate this place! LA! LA! LA! LA!” he began chanting in that annoying fashion that little brothers seem to learn straight out of the womb.
“Sit down you little brat! Sit down! Sit down! Sit down!” she replied in louder and louder tones. Then, just as he was about to bring the water bottle down again she slapped it out of his hand and sent it flying across the room.
Thunking against the closed door of the suite it fell to the ground before rolling to a stop below the receptionists’ desk. The sister and brother stared wide-eyed at their projectile just as the receptionist slowly stopped her work, leaned back and peered under her desk. Raising their eyes they were immediately pierced with one of the iciest glares they had ever seen.
“Shhh, sit down dummy… she’s looking at us,” the older sister whispered to her brother.
“You don’t think she can understand us, do you?” the boy fidgeted nervously and lowered his voice.
“I doubt it… but there’s one way to find out!” she replied with a smirk. “Hey lady! Hey you with the silly shiny shirt and messy hair! I’m talking to you!” encouraged by her brother’s laughter she leaned back and causally continued, “Your momma is a ferret and your poppa is a dirty dog who eats garbage!”
Getting no reaction from the receptionist other than the same purposeful “I’m-pretending-you’re-not-here” look that was, apparently, the only expression the girl could manage, the sister flashed her brother an ‘I told you so’ smile.
Moments later their parents entered the room and collected their children, who were immediately on their best behavior. The family of four exited the suite, finally leaving the office in blissful silence.
As she reread the last sentence on her screen, the receptionist let out a large breath of pent-up air. Exiting the voice-to-text translation program on her computer, she shook her head as the words “…dog who eats garbage!” translated from Spanish vanished from her screen. Perhaps for the first time in her life she was thankful for her deafness and inability to speak, it probably just saved her job. Otherwise, had she been able to, she would have given both of those lovely children a piece of her mind (and the parents too).
The Not So Fantastic Reality:
The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:
ONE: Today I found myself with about four hours of downtime at work while I waited for my computer to be migrated onto a new network. Unable to access any of my work (98% of which is on said network) I decided it would be a good day to get together with our graduate assistant to review admissions procedures, something we wouldn’t need my computer for. After going through everything, I still found myself without the use of my computer, so I set up shop at the vacant receptionist desk in our main suite until my computer was ready. Well, any work I thought I’d be getting done was quickly thwarted by the entrance of a family of four, mother, father, little bro and big sis. Thwarted? How so? you may ask. Well, good reader, I’ll tell you. As mom and pop went into an office with our graduate assistant to discuss entrance into the program, brother and sister were left waiting in the reception area… with me. I should say that this family was from a South American country and while I’m pretty sure the kids understood English they spoke in Spanish. LOUDLY. Oh, and they kicked off their shoes, threw a water bottle, yelled, tapped on the glass that divided them from their parents and just overall behaved like spoiled imps. Ugh… I got the suspicion that they were talking about me at one point, especially since I had just flashed my biggest “shut the f*ck up, and sit down, don’t you see you’re not at home?” look after the water bottle went for a joyride across the room and into the door. Man, I really hate ill-behaved children… throw in the fact that they were screaming in a language I couldn’t understand, and the entire experience would probably rate a 8.9 on my ‘Insufferable Scale’. By the time they were leaving I was ready to bust out the few words I knew in Spanish, all of which just happen to be four-letter words. Thankfully, their oblivious parents escorted them out of earshot just in time. Guess it’s a good thing I only have dogs.
Love & Squirrels.