“Dude, I heard today was the day,” Curly said nervously.
“Nah, he’s been saying that for months now and every time he changes his mind. Don’t sweat it,” Harry gave his jumpy friend a relaxed half-smile and stretched lazily.
“What was that?” Curly looked about him in panicky jerks.
“What was what?” Harry asked from where he was still stretched out.
“I swear I heard something just then. You didn’t hear anything? It was kind of a crunchy-swooshy sound,” Curly continued to sweep his eyes around for the possible origin of the mystery sound.
“You’re totally losing it, Curly-man. You need to relax a little. Close your eyes and play it cool, ya know?” Harry drawled with his eyes still closed.
“I mean, take a look at me. You don’t see me getting my panties in a twist over some nonexistence noise. I’m cool as a cucumber. Laid back like a – “
“Harry?” Curly asked from where he was trying to keep his eyes shut. “Laid back like a what, Harry?” he continued after receiving no response from his counterpart. “Okay Harry, this is not funny. I know you’re over there so you can cut out the silent treatment already,” Curly was beginning to feel a bit edgy as the silence continued. “If only I wasn’t stuck here,” he thought to himself, “I would go over there and slap some sense into that guy.” Curly was beginning to fear that something horrific was happening… what had happened to Harry???
As the minutes passed, Curly thought he heard the sound again, this time a little louder. Or did he? He was beginning to wonder if in his growing paranoia he was fooling himself into thinking there was a sound- when in fact there might not be. Deciding to take Harry up on his advice, Curly tried to relax (half of him hoped that his efforts might herald his friend’s return somehow). Closing his eyes and stretching out in his best Harry-like imitation, Curly let out a breath and waited for the relaxation to come.
The sound came first. This time Curly knew he wasn’t imagining it, it was real… and getting closer.
“What is that?!?” Curly moaned aloud. “Harry? Harry, is that you? Cut it out, man. I’m serious!” Curly was on the brink of a complete meltdown and still, the sound was growing louder in slow, choppy increments.
Right before he heard it for the final time, he saw it. In that millisecond, all made sense- the sound, the disappearance of Harry, all of it. A flash of metal and the deafening sound vibrating in every follicle and then, for a brief moment Curly felt as is if he were floating. Darkness.
Debbie swept the hair off of the shoulders of her last client of the day and spun him around to face the full-length mirror. “So, what do we think?” She asked without a lot of emotion.
“Looks great. Man, is it a relief to be rid of all that hair!” her customer replied and handed her a twenty dollar bill.
“All in a day’s work kid,” Debbie murmured to herself.
The Not So Fantastic Reality:
The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:
ONE: Upon arriving home today after work, I was met with an announcement from the boyfriend, “I want to cut my hairs”. This is not an unusual announcement. I have been hearing with irregular frequency for the past four months or so. Inevitably, after this first announcement is uttered, it is followed, usually the next day, with a second announcement proclaiming his intention of keeping his locks long, if only for a little longer. So when I responded to today’s announcement with my usual, “Mmm hmm,” he looked me dead in the eye and said, “Can you cut it today?” I was a little taken aback (but quickly recovered and fetched the scissors). I’m always a bit hesitant about cutting hair other than my own, mainly because I don’t know what the haiku I’m doing. After a bit of convincing on his part I was finally coaxed into snipping off his (way long) curls. It was a bit sad, actually. Those hairs had worked hard to tough it out this long and in an instant SNIP! – gone. Oh well, after the first few cuts I kind of got into it… it was almost a little cathartic in a way. The end result is nowhere near professional caliber but he doesn’t look like I used a noodle bowl for a template either- so we’re both happy.
Love & Squirrels.