10 Ways to Tell if You’re a River Rat
1) Your living room floats and can coast smoothly at 10 mph
2) When you forget the alcohol back in the kitchen it means someone is getting wet
3) That soothing sound of the fountain in the background? Yeah, that’s actually Rodney breaking the seal on the back of the boat
4) Getting dressed up means switching out the towel around your waist for a pair of cut-off jean shorts
5) You can have a several-hour conversation about glass, and not the kind in your window (please consult your local river rat for further explanation and official definition of ‘glass’)
6) The seat of your shorts is never fully dry
7) The only suit you currently own is a wetsuit
8) You can steer any sea-worthy vessel with either of your feet
9) If you’re bringing juice onboard it better mix well with something
10) You know your neighbors not by the house they live in but by the whopper fish they caught last August
The Not So Fantastic Reality:
The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:
ONE: I was lucky enough to be invited out on the lake (yeah, I know it’s river rat, but I couldn’t think of a catchy nickname for someone who lives on the lake so just go with it) to grill out and watch the Disney fireworks that go off like clockwork every night at 9pm. It was a great time, had a lot of fun but I’m a little tired from the day out in the sun and heat so my apologies for the lack-luster entry this fine summer’s eve. A few of the things from the list are almost nonfiction, since they more or less happened tonight. I learned what ‘glass’ means (smooth water surface of the body of water… ideal for water skiing), lazed about on a pontoon boat complete with recliner, tiki torches, grill, and sofa sectional (if I’m ever in the market for a boat I’m totally getting a pontoon boat and tricking it out) and yes, #3 is also loosely based on actual events of the night (no, it wasn’t me).
Love & Squirrels.