“I can’t… I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” Dustin stared at his melting frozen yogurt, no longer hungry but refusing to make eye contact with his girlfriend. Or more correctly, his ex-girlfriend as of about 30 seconds ago.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say,” Darla said coolly before sipping loudly on the straw of her chocolate milkshake.
Dustin had brought her to his favorite frozen yogurt place to commemorate their first year anniversary. He had planned to ask Darla to move in with him tonight and to commemorate the occasion had a special key made up for her, featuring an alligator design (her favorite animal). Now, a reminder of how foolish he had been, the key seemed to wink at him in mockery as it lay abandoned on the iron wrought table of the ice cream shoppe.
“Explain this to me again, because I swear I’m taking crazy pills or something. I thought we were good, Darla? I thought we were solid. Now, you’re trying to tell me that you’re willing to give it all up because of something like this? I’m sorry… I just having trouble believing it,” Dustin looked at the woman he had loved for a year but almost physically recoiled at the dead eyes that were looking back at him. Who was this person? Had he been fooling himself this whole time? Had she never loved him at all?
Darla heaved a dramatic sigh, and looking at her watch said, “Ok, but this is the last I’ll say it, so make sure you pay attention”. She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. Taking on a look of complete indifference that made Dustin want to reach over and shake her, Darla attempted an explanation, “The thing is, Dustin. I just don’t find you attractive anymore. I guess that’s the meat of it. You’ve changed. You are not the same person I fell in love with a year ago. I think we just want different things you know,” now she was looking at her nails, picking dirt from under the nail on her ring finger. “It’s for the best, D. You know it is. Maybe not now, maybe not a week from now, but on day you’ll realize I’m right. It’s just time, ya know? I can’t fake it anymore,” with that she sucked the last of her milkshake through the straw and stood to leave. Gathering up her messenger bag and crumpled napkins, Darla walked towards the glass doors of the ice cream shoppe before Dustin realized she intended to leave him without another word.
Shooting up out of his seat, Dustin searched his brain for anything he could say to make her stay and as usual, his mind chose that particular moment to go completely blank. Darla was already exited the ice cream shoppe and halfway to her car when he finally decided on what he needed to say to her. Running to catch up, Dustin approached Darla just as she was opening her driver’s side door. Seeing she had no intention of stopping for him, he decided he better just ask the question before it was too late. Tapping on the glass and finally persuading her to roll it down, Dustin looked once more into her eyes and asked, “I want to hear you say it. The real reason why you’re doing this. I want to hear it out of your mouth and I promise I won’t bother you again. I don’t think that is too much to ask,” his words had tumbled out like kindergarteners released for recess.
With a look of pity that made Dustin almost glad this would be the last time he had to look into her face, Darla acquiesced saying, “Fine. But remember, you made me say this”.
Dustin waved for her to continue and she did, “Dustin I am leaving you because your hair is ridiculous. I am breaking up with you because you need a damn haircut and refuse to listen to reason. You look like a stinky hippie. The end.” With that, Darla rolled up her window and screeched out of the parking lot.
“You’re a stinky hippie,” Dustin mimicked sarcastically to the vacant parking lot. Running his hand through his hair he decided she may be right, maybe he should listen to reason and get a respectable haircut. Then he thought, “nah, screw it.”
The Not So Fantastic Reality:
The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:
ONE: While at dinner tonight, the topic of Andy’s hair came up. It’s getting long, and while it’s very pretty hair (can I call a guy’s hair pretty? Judges?) I kind of prefer it a bit shorter. He is well aware of this fact, and I believe he would probably like to take the clippers to it most days (especially in these humid and hot FL summer days) but he’s growing it out. It. Is. Decided. In addition to loving the way it feels when he shakes his head all around like a fool, he is trying to grow it out for a film he wants to shoot in a few months. Ok, I can respect that. Sacrifice for art and all that. Once the filming is over he wants to cut it all off and I jokingly replied to this with, “Right, how about you call me when you do,” feigning a desire for a hiatus of sorts while dem hars are grow’n. that of course made me wonder, has anyone ever broken up with someone because of their hair?
TWO: Hit up Menchie’s tonight for a little fro yo and thought it was a pretty typical date spot and an appropriate setting for tonight’s ‘breakup’. Man that stuff is delicious. Plus their spoons have the best ‘mouth feel’ I’ve ever encountered. And yes, this matters to crazy people like me.
Love & Squirrels.