“Ugh! What a day!” Cindy stormed in the house, slamming the door behind her.
“Don’t slam the door!” Calvin yelled from the couch, tossing Cindy a put-out look before returning to his Playstation3.
“You will not believe the day I’ve had,” Cindy continued, pausing only long enough to kick off her heels and throw her purse on the kitchen table. “First, on my run this morning, I step in a heaping pile of dog doodie, and as if isn’t enough, some jerk on a bike forces me off of the sidewalk. Oh, I was so mad. I mean, come on! The bike lane is right there, lady! Uggghhh… Then at work, one of my coworkers ate my lunch out of the fridge. Who does that? I mean it had ‘CINDY’ clearly written—“
“Well, it can’t be worse than my day,” Calvin interrupted. “During my commute I was stuck behind some Sunday driver who drove the entire way with his blinker on. Then, I go to get some coffee out of the break room and some jackweed drank all but the last few drops and didn’t bother to make another pot. I mean, who does that???” Calvin tossed his hands up.
“God, I hate it when you interrupt me. I can’t even finish a sentence before you’re butting in and redirecting the attention back to you… can I finish talking now?” Cindy pursed her lips in frustration. “So, as I was saying, after someone ate my lunch I had to go out to grab something and while I’m waiting for my order someone’s car alarm goes off. This thing must have been wailing for like 15 minutes before the clueless owner finally hears it and shuts it off. So I get back to the office and start to chat with Debbie, only she must have forgotten her MiracleEar or something because I had to repeat everything I said, which you know is one of my biggest— Cal! You know how much it bothers me when you play that stupid game while I’m trying to talk to you,” Cindy tapped her foot in anger.
“Well, do you know how much it bothers me when you yammer on and on and on like that?” Calvin retorted snippily.
“Oh, you want to play it like that, do ya? Fine. Let’s talk about how you never seem to be able to put the seat down. Or maybe how you failed to turn off the sprinklers in the yard today despite the fact it’s been raining constantly for the past two days!” Cindy was beginning to raise her voice in frustration.
“Two can play this game, missy,” Calvin put his controller down and turning to face Cindy, “What about your inability to change the toilet paper roll, huh? Or how you just throw your crap down wherever you are, I mean there are piles of your stuff all over the house!”
“You mumble when you talk!” Cindy yelled.
“You squeeze the toothpaste from the middle… everyone knows you’re supposed to squeeze it from the bottom!” Calvin yelled back.
“…everyone knows you’re supposed to squeeze it from the bottom,” Cindy mimicked in a nasally voice.
“Cut it out, you know how much I hate that,” Calvin growled.
“Almost as much as I hate when you try to be all macho,” Cindy sneered.
“I swear to God, Cindy… if you don’t—“ Calvin was abruptly interrupted by the doorbell.
Giving each other dirty looks, Cindy and Calvin walked to the door and opened it to find a flyer rubber-banded to their doorknob. “Uck… can we go one day without one of these damn flyers showing up on our door?!?!,” Calvin yelled before slamming the door closed.
“What is it? Let me see,” Cindy looked over Calvin’s shoulder as he unfolded the blue and white flyer which read:
Cindy and Calvin exchanged a sheepish grin and looked at the flyer again. Hugging Cindy, Calvin said, “Well that explains it. Looks like our neighbor has let his pet Peeves run amuck in the neighborhood again… damn thing.”
The Not So Fantastic Reality:
The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:
ONE: After making a comment on Facebook today about how seeing sprinklers running in the rain is a super pet peeve of mine, I seemed to have opened the floodgates to a few of my other pet peeves. While my ultimate pet peeve was a no show (that would be repeating myself… if you didn’t hear me the first time you might as well forget it) a few of my others decided to drop in including:
- On my walk today I was forced off the sidewalk because some dingbat on a bike needs to pass. Um… it’s called a bike lane people, it’s literally two feet to your left… use it. Also, this is a sideWALK, dang it… not a sideRIDEMYBIKEANDFORCEPEDESTRIANSINTOTHEGRASS.
- Having to pretend not to see the creepy motorist in the lane next to me who maintains the same speed as me so he can make the googly-eyes in an attempt to get my attention. Dude, soooo not interested. Move it along.
OK, so that was pretty much it, but it was enough to get me thinking about some of the other common pet peeves people have, including some things I’m guilty of (ahem… never replacing the toilet paper roll. Yeah, I just sit the new roll on top of the naked one… I’ll change it when I’m ready, gosh!!!). I thought it would be fun to make it about an actual pet named Peeves who got out and as a result, everyone in the surrounding area is subjected to their most hated pet peeves. Good times.
Love & Squirrels.