- Newly initiated members will be required to receive a tattoo of the gang’s symbol somewhere on their body that is easily visible. Acceptable locations include: upper arm or forearm, neck, shoulder blade or upper back, chest or anywhere on the torso, calf, top of foot, ankle, behind ear, or any location approved by the member’s chapter president. An example of the symbol and meaning can be found below:
- Any member shown the gang sign by another member will return the sign without question.
- Any member asked to show their tattoo by an officer or higher ranked member will immediately oblige. Tattoos must be shown prior to gaining entrance into all rites, meetings and scooter rides.
- Members must participate in all gang-organized initiation rites, meetings, and scooter rides as prescribed by the chapter president. Members will also be required to attend a minimum of one (1) national meeting every three years.
- Members must present the ponytail and/or beard of a known member of the “Hillbilly Boys”, hated enemy of the gang, within one year of initiation.
- Members must go on one cruise, bi-annually with at least one other member.
- Members should send food back and request to ‘speak to the manager’ at any eatery, restaurant or café once a month, even if the food arrives as ordered. This is to ensure that all wait-staff and restaurant management recognize the gang’s influence and power in the community. Remove all sweetener from the table if extra measures are needed.
- Proper attire should be worn my members at all times. This includes, but is not limited to: walking shorts, Velcro shoes, anything with macramé, clip-on earrings, and dog sweaters. Regardless of the outfit, the official gang’s cardigan with the symbol crocheted on the back panel, should always be worn. Exception: if a member’s tattoo is visible, cardigan is optional. Contact chapter secretary of an extensive list of appropriate attire.
- Complete spoiling of a gang member’s grandchild is expected and encouraged. Providing candy, cookies, or any kind of sweets during visits; buying large, hard-to-assemble, loud and obnoxious toys for birthdays, holidays, or any occasion; allowing TV or video gaming to exceed normal viewing time by several hours; providing fluids (preferably with sugar) just before bedtime or the car ride home; these are all examples of proper gang behavior.
- Any discussion of the gang, its rules, initiations, member list, meetings or other official gang business is strictly prohibited. Members found in violation of this rule will be stripped of their cardigan and their tattoo (without anesthesia), and immediately escorted and abandoned at the closest computer store, rap concert, or large dog park.
These rules have been adopted and approved by the national panel of the Grandma Gang and should be considered binding. Any infraction should be penalized appropriately by the offending member’s chapter officers.
The Not So Fantastic Reality:
The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:
ONE: While out and about today, we stopped at a local hamburger joint for a bite to eat. While waiting for my bison burger with cheddar to arrive, I noticed at the table across from me two older ladies who were also waiting for their noontime meal. Then I noticed on one of the ladies arms was a tattoo, three blue stars in a neat little row. This struck me as a little odd, as she didn’t fit the ‘profile’ for sporting ink, and it of course got me wondering about the significance of the tat, when she got it, where she got it and if she had any regrets. As a blank canvas myself, I can’t completely get behind the mentality of permanently altering my body by stabbing myself repeatedly (in all honesty, I change my mind way too often to commit to a design that will be there till I meet my maker… knowing me I’d pick Darkwing Duck in a moment of nostalgia).
TWO: Rule #7 refers to both of my experiences eating out today. In both cases my food did not arrive as ordered. Normally, I am not too picky about this sort of thing, but today I really wanted a cheeseburger (cheese being the important word, here). So, when my bison burger arrived sans cheese, I just had to say something. It was no big deal, but then it happened again at dinner. I ordered chicken strips (I know, my diet is soooo healthy) with buffalo sauce. Got the strips, not the sauce. Maybe in the future I should just avoid ordering anything to do with buffalo/bison… that seems to be the common denominator. Weird.
THREE: Visited with my Mamaw today… she would totally be a chapter president in the Grandma Gang. Even at 80, she is super feisty and is ridiculously quick witted… to the point that I have trouble keeping up with her at times. Some of the punishments from rule #10 were inspired from a few things I imagine she would detest… computer jargon, loud rap and dog poo… yep, even Mamaw has her kryptonite.
Love & Squirrels.