An Ode to the Highway Traveler
As told by a Turkey Buzzard
Oh weary traveler, your head grows so heavy,
As sounds of Finding Nemo swim through your rumbling Chevy.
Artfully you steer your minivan around every bump and turn,
Saying to your dozing wife, “Let’s stop in a few miles,
I need a coke… and some fuel to burn”.
Pulling off at the next exit, it’s a BP station you see.
As you come to a stop, out pile the kiddies for a snack and a pee.
Refueling your chariot like a proper Caesar,
You head to the counter as your wife mumbles, “Don’t forget my Snickers bar”.
Back on the road, much to my glee,
But my, what’s that up ahead, you fail to see?
Picking up speed, you expel a belch with lingering notes of The Sizzler,
As you look away from the road to reach back and sneak a Twizzler.
With a loud screech and a jolt, you failed to dodge.
So gut churning, you slowly emerge- for now the remains you must try to dislodge.
The helpless little animal, smeared all over your hood-
I watch, as you drag what’s left to the shoulder, as reverently as you could.
Back you return to your crying spouse and hysterical kids,
Rubbing your neck, you shake your head as you look down at the skids.
Squinting at your grill and really needing a beer,
You scratch your crotch and say, “All this because of a dumbass deer”.
Oh traveler, if you only knew the feast you have just laid bare,
As I begin my slow circle way up in the air.
Turning off your hazards you continue on your way,
And soon I am joined by my brothers- we’re gonna eat well today.
Slowly we peck, tear and chew;
Leave it to us, traveler, this no longer concerns you.
Hopping about with our black wings outstretched,
Soon we will remove all signs of this unfortunate death.
Be it armadillo, deer, rabbit or possum, just ‘keep on truckin’,
Cause they’re all pretty much the same when I’m doing the munchin’.
No, it’s not just bugs on a windshield that your vehicles splatter,
It’s animals quite larger you serve up on a platter.
So keep on hauling ass and driving like a blind man,
Doing 80 in your big rig, Winnebago and minivan…
You may think this stretch of road is just some highway,
But to me and my kind, it’s a 24 hour, all-you-can-eat buffet.
So thank you, road warrior, your service is much appreciated,
It’s to you this poem has been warmly dedicated.
Our gratitude is quite sincere, I can promise you this much…
But now, I’m afraid you must excuse me…
It’s time for lunch.
The Not So Fantastic Reality:
Ok, so this is my attempt at poetry. It is the form of writing I struggle with the most, so please excuse my feeble scribblings as I try to improve.
The above story was inspired by the following tidbits I encountered today:
ONE: For the last week, I have been craving, nay DYING for a coke. I chalk this up to the fact that I was restricted to a ship for the last 4 days/ 5 nights where a simple carbonated beverage would have run me about $4.50. Uh, thanks, but no thanks. So upon our release this morning (sounds like I’m leaving prison, not a cruise, doesn’t it? That’s me, always the ingrate!) the first thing I wanted was a nice shiny, ice cold can of Coca Cola Classic (and yes, I do own a few shares of the soft drink conglomerate, but that is neither here nor there) never mind that it was 8:30 in the morning. Having satisfied my thirst in reality, I thought it would be fun to include here as well.
TWO: If you’ve ever been fortunate enough to drive any rural stretch of Florida highway then chances are you’ve seen a few turkey buzzards. These things are pretty normal down here, but I think they are also one of the most underappreciated birds out there. I mean these lovely animals clean up and deodorize our roads free of charge! And they love their jobs! Can’t beat that in my book. Incidentally, I tried and tried to snap a picture of these birds on the four-hour drive home today, with no success (they fly really high!). Of course every other native species of bird made a cameo, two sand hill cranes, a wild turkey, a palliated woodpecker (think Woody), two kites, and loads of mockingbirds and cardinals. Guess buzzards are camera shy. To compensate, please enjoy my rendering of this lovely (if not a little ominous) bird.
THREE: In addition to DYING for a coke (it really was that serious) I decided I also needed some Twizzlers for the trip home. Sipping my delicious coke through a Twizzler with the ends bitten off, you have never seen a happier girl. It deserved mentioning, that’s all.
So, how did I do for my first poem? Let me know and as always, thanks for reading. :o)
Love & Squirrels.